Tag Archives: memory

fly, baby

Standard

I started my university career in 2002. It was a very quick transition from spending my summer in Honey Harbour working with 3 and 4 year olds at the Delawana Inn, to one night at my parent’s house, to my new apartment-style residence with new roommates.

The summer, like every summer through high school working at camp, was fun. Being at camp was like being with ‘my people’. If you’ve ever attended or worked at a camp, you’ll know exactly what I mean. My mom would drive up to visit me on my days off, my sister mailed me delicious cookies and other treats, and my friends sent me lots of snail mail.

Leaving camp that summer was hard, but the quick turnaround to university was even harder. I remember I cried on the way home from camp the day I left, my mom just driving, not needing to say anything. Change is just hard for me, and I was very nervous about moving away from home for school.

The day my mom and dad drove me to school, was a day later than everyone else. I was the last of my roommates to move in. I was petrified. While we were moving in, I met so many lovely folks, some of who are still among my dearest friends.

My dear friend Tara often jokes with me about that day. I stuck to my mom’s side, and when anyone asked me a question, I just looked at my mom with a deer in the headlights kind of expression. My mom did more talking that day than I did. I was quite shy back in the day – I know you might be shocked by this, but my residence don later described me that year as the quietest loud person he had ever met…. or maybe he said the loudest quiet person.

After we had unloaded my belongings, my parents took me out to eat, afterwards dropping me off in front of my residence. I don’t remember the exact words that were exchanged, but I remember I was so nervous, and I told my mom I was worried that I wouldn’t make any friends. What if nobody liked me? I can’t quite remember what my mom said to me, but I remember how she made me feel so loved, giving me the courage I needed to go back into my residence on my own. She told me to just be myself. She wanted me to fly.

One of the best things my mom ever did for me, was to love me for exactly who I was, without hesitation or expectation. She loved me because I existed. She loved sharing in the activities I loved, like dancing – spending hours upon hours curling my hair, sitting at the dance studio, and driving me to and from competitions. Through her support and unconditional love, she gave me the ability to develop confidence in myself. She made it okay if not everybody liked me, because she showed me that regardless of what another person might think, I was loveable.

She led by example, teaching me to trust in those who did care for me, and teaching me to be kind and respect those who I didn’t click with, for one reason or another – or at least to continue to aim for those ideals.

Mom on my wedding day, 2008

Mom on my wedding day, 2008

When I think of moving to university and starting, for the first time, my real life away from home, I think of these lessons. I think of how my mom heard my anxieties and fears about leaving, and gave me the love, encouragement, and little push that I needed. I remember that she trusted and believed in me – she believed that I would succeed at school, she believed that I would develop long-lasting, supportive friendships, and she believed that I could do it all on my own. She believed I could fly.

Thank you, mama. I think I’m flying.