Different kind of job, different kind of dream

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Well, this week has been interesting so far. We started it off by Maddy catching the virus Eric and Loki have. We were concerned she might have her first ear infection, but fortunately, that was not the case.

Call me mean, but having a sick baby is kind of fun, particularly a sick, fevered baby. She was so calm. She would sit on us without pushing and kicking us. She even let us cuddle her!!! I mean, she was crying, and fussy, and wanted to be held… but, really – she’s like that often, so it wasn’t a negative change.

Sweet cuddles

Just to let you know how incredible this picture is… Maddy hasn’t slept like that since… ugh, last November? And when she slept with me like this at my friend Julie’s parents house, it was because she was so exhausted from a sleep strike that her body finally gave out. Really, she hasn’t slept like this on us since she was about three months old. She won’t even sleep next to us in a bed without touching us anymore (she gave that up back in January). No morning cuddles for this mommy and daddy! In fact, most nights when I’m putting her to bed I know it’s time for her crib after she’s done nursing when she starts crying and pushing me away.

Now that her fever is gone she’s still got the fussy, wanting to be held bit, but no longer wants to be held, which is her typical behaviour. I’m already secretly (or not-so-secretly) looking forward to her next fever…. and so is Eric.

Sweet little fever babe

The week took another interesting turn yesterday when I was offered a job. An incredible job. A  pick up and move three hours from where I currently live, kinda job.

I said no.

I told them how much I wanted to say yes, but that with Maddy’s therapy, I knew in my heart it was the wrong choice for our family. The timing was so far off, it’s not even funny. It broke my heart. I cried, feeling that it was a sacrifice I might not have had to make if Maddy didn’t have SPD.

Now, intellectually, I know that it is something to be proud of, to be offered a dream job. I know that if I already had a dream job I would have had to make the difficult choice of whether or not to leave it for Maddy. But it’s frustrating. It makes me wish again that things were different.

Now I will forge ahead and hope that a chance like this will come again one day at a better time. I will hope that the choice I made yesterday will mean that Maddy will thrive. I was pleasantly surprised this afternoon by the delivery of a beautiful flower arrangement sent by the individuals who conducted my interview. Silver linings.

I’ve decided to console myself by focusing on planning Maddy’s first birthday celebration (of which I’ve been thinking of since before she was born, haha). Different kind of job, different kind of dream.

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12 responses »

  1. Just want to say that I was here to read your post and support everything you said Ashley….you are a very honest, funny and loving mommy….Maddy is very lucky! I hope we can find a way to get together in the future and will email you soon 🙂

  2. Hope everyone’s feeling better!

    Congrats on the successful job interview but sorry you couldn’t take it. Just wasn’t your time to move further away!! So sweet that they sent you flowers … Too bad you couldn’t work part time at a distance for them – bet they’d be great employers!

    Things always happen for a reason. Your past dreams were not meant to be, but your future ones are. Time to seize those dreams.

    Fyi, I have an awesome first birthdat gift for Maddy. YOU WILL LOVE IT. (But yes it’s for Maddy!)

    • Thanks! Maddy is on the mend… not sure about the other two though. I had the same thought about them – probably would be a very nice place to work. I have contract work that I can do from home for Guelph now. Maybe that will lead me somewhere great 🙂

      • I had the same thought that they would be good employers to work for. I’ve worked for employers who won’t allow employees to contact someone if they’re sick or on a leave so the fact that they did it when you’re not an employee is incredible! I wonder if they could relate in any way at all … Even if it’s by being a parent?

  3. Also, you will find a dream job. One because you’re knowledgeable, talented and employers will be lucky to have you. You’ll find a job that’s one in a million, just like your family.

  4. Such a touching post – you are so inspiring. Thanks for sharing everything with such honesty… and the cute pics of Maddy made my heart melt. Hugs to you all!

  5. Every mother knows about “sick cuddles” – it is not mean, just realistic. I’ve especially heard them wistfully referred to by mother’s of boys that have become socially-aware enough to refuse most cuddles while healthy. Nothing beats the care of a loving mother when you are ill. (The issue is always who takes care of MOM when she gets the bug last after nursing everyone else… but I digress.)

  6. Pingback: Finding Balance « sewrite

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