Well, this week has been interesting so far. We started it off by Maddy catching the virus Eric and Loki have. We were concerned she might have her first ear infection, but fortunately, that was not the case.
Call me mean, but having a sick baby is kind of fun, particularly a sick, fevered baby. She was so calm. She would sit on us without pushing and kicking us. She even let us cuddle her!!! I mean, she was crying, and fussy, and wanted to be held… but, really – she’s like that often, so it wasn’t a negative change.
Just to let you know how incredible this picture is… Maddy hasn’t slept like that since… ugh, last November? And when she slept with me like this at my friend Julie’s parents house, it was because she was so exhausted from a sleep strike that her body finally gave out. Really, she hasn’t slept like this on us since she was about three months old. She won’t even sleep next to us in a bed without touching us anymore (she gave that up back in January). No morning cuddles for this mommy and daddy! In fact, most nights when I’m putting her to bed I know it’s time for her crib after she’s done nursing when she starts crying and pushing me away.
Now that her fever is gone she’s still got the fussy, wanting to be held bit, but no longer wants to be held, which is her typical behaviour. I’m already secretly (or not-so-secretly) looking forward to her next fever…. and so is Eric.
The week took another interesting turn yesterday when I was offered a job. An incredible job. A pick up and move three hours from where I currently live, kinda job.
I said no.
I told them how much I wanted to say yes, but that with Maddy’s therapy, I knew in my heart it was the wrong choice for our family. The timing was so far off, it’s not even funny. It broke my heart. I cried, feeling that it was a sacrifice I might not have had to make if Maddy didn’t have SPD.
Now, intellectually, I know that it is something to be proud of, to be offered a dream job. I know that if I already had a dream job I would have had to make the difficult choice of whether or not to leave it for Maddy. But it’s frustrating. It makes me wish again that things were different.
Now I will forge ahead and hope that a chance like this will come again one day at a better time. I will hope that the choice I made yesterday will mean that Maddy will thrive. I was pleasantly surprised this afternoon by the delivery of a beautiful flower arrangement sent by the individuals who conducted my interview. Silver linings.
I’ve decided to console myself by focusing on planning Maddy’s first birthday celebration (of which I’ve been thinking of since before she was born, haha). Different kind of job, different kind of dream.